Dining Disaster

Dear Counselor,

I have an issue with the dining etiquette with one of my friends. The last two times we have gone out with this one couple in particular, they have brought their 3 kids along to dine with us. My husband and I have one child so we understand what it's like to have child care issues. What really frustrates me is that they act like it's going to be an "adults only" evening then surprise! Here's the kicker-- they take their kids, drink and eat like crazy then request to split the bill 50/50! The last time we went out with them, we got hit with a $250 restaurant bill not including the babysitter. We are struggling to make ends meet ourselves and this really set us back! I know they are going through tough financial times as well but I feel it's just wrong to dine on other people's dime. Any Suggestions?

Thanks,

Perturbed Payer
_________________________________________


Dear Perturbed,

Unfortunately, I have fallen victim to this situation more times than I would like to admit. Your frustration is not only warranted but will probably be felt by several members of the Gavel Babble Gallery. There are a few very simple solutions that I have executed myself when faced with repeat [dining] offenders like your friend.


Approach #1, get to the restaurant before your friends arrive and let the waiter/waitress know that you will be having separate checks. Ask him to be discrete to avoid any awkwardness when the bill arrives. This will send a subtle yet clear message the paying for more than your share is not something you are interested in.


Approach 2#: Go to an "all you eat" restaurant where there is only beer and wine sold or even better no alcohol. I have a sneaky suspicion that a good portion of your bill is due to your friends ordering up on the top shelf liquor which can add up quickly. This approach can at least mitigate your damages to an amount you can swallow. (pun intended)


Approach #3: When they ask you to dine with them again (which is inevitably in the near future especially since they've had two good dining runs) , simple state that you are trying to save money and that you are curtailing you expenses right now. Then suggest, in the alternative, that you guys get together at one of your houses for a home-cooked meal.


In this situation, confronting your friends about their [inconsiderate] behavior will probably back fire on you. They will most likely "flip" this onto you making themselves and their children out to be the victims. Never a good situation. If your friends are not enthusiastic Approach #3, chances are they are more interested in "dining on your dime" as you so eloquently put it. In that case, I would file a Motion to Sever the Dining Relationship and cut your losses.


For more information on how to save money in these tough economic times, please visit http://www.madamedeals.com/



Sincerely,

The Counselor