Toxic Friendships

Dear Counselor,
I have a friend that is sucking the life out of me! I have come to realize over time that she is not a good person but now I am basically forced to be her friend because I have to see her on a constant basis. She is very confrontational, rude and self absorbed which makes it even more difficult to break away from this toxic relationship. Help!!!

Sincerely,
Get-A-Way Girl

Dear Get-A-Way,
When did being a “friend” become an absolute right instead of a privilege that must be earned? In the era of when becoming a “friend” is as easy as a click of a mouse, I truly believe that we tend to distort the true meaning behind what a “friend” constitutes. We use the word “friend” fast and loose when in actuality it should be close and tight. Just because you have things in common i.e. work together, live in the same neighbor, children share the same school… this does not mean that you need to let the undesirables into your inner circle. Under no circumstances should you feel forced to be in any situation be it a job, relationship or friendship that makes you feel bad!

This is a fun game to play which turns out to be highly effective. Ask yourself this… if I could be friends with any celebrity, who would it be? Why a celebrity? Well for one thing their track records are easily accessible—good, bad or otherwise. For example, my celebrity would be Reese Witherspoon. Reese seems smart, funny, successful, young mother of two, goal/career oriented, southern raised, a real go getter and generally seems like a nice person. Whether it’s Reese Witherspoon or Jane Doe, you need to identity what “qualities” you want a friend to possess then surround yourself with like minded individuals.

Whenever an attorney and his client have irreconcilable differences (basically two people that just cannot get along out of no fault of their own), the attorney will file a Motion to Withdraw with the Court. The motion will be set for a hearing and the Judge will determine whether there is any way to salvage this attorney-client relationship. Many times attorneys will withdraw even after investing time, energy and their own money into a losing situation. There is no shame in withdrawing from a relationship that is just not working for you. A “friend” should be your biggest advocate not your adversary. Simple stated, your Motion to Withdraw is Granted.

The Counselor