Dear Counselor,
My husband has gone to work in another state leaving me with all the
responsibilities of running a house, my full time job and our kid's care. He
goes to work and then he goes home, free to do any thing he wants while I
struggle to meet all kinds of deadlines and duties. I have no family in
town, I have no time for my self so I'm growing resentful. Any suggestions?

Husband Away

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Dear Husband Away,

“Gentlemen, let’s call a spade, a spade.” While sitting in court patiently waiting for my turn, a frustrated Judge made this bold statement after hearing and rehearing the same argument/disagreement by two attorneys. Clearly, you are not “growing resentful” you are resentful.

How do you know that your husband isn’t resentful towards you as well? Maybe he sees it differently. You actually have a happy, little person to keep you company… who does he have to come “home” to when he has had a bad day? Freedom with no responsibilities can be great but it also may come with intense loneliness. I am not siding with him, just presenting you with his (possible) side of the case.

Regardless of what your husband is doing (or not doing for that matter), you need to form your own support system. Find “single” moms like yourself to share the emotional and physical load. There has to be single parents in your child’s school, neighborhood or social circle that would be willing to have a sleep over one night a week to give you the night off. The worst case scenario would be to budget in a babysitter for some desperately needed adult time.

When any lawsuit is filed, opposing counsel will generally request the other party to give them something called discovery. Typically, the opposing party will ask you to make admissions and answer interrogatories (which is a fancy word for questions). I suggest you propose hard questions to your husband like where is this marriage going or when will we be a “family” again? Then work on the admissions… Admit that you love your family enough and will do whatever it takes to get back to normalcy. Clearly you have an incredible amount of unanswered questions that need to be resolved in your current situation.

Remember, when you ask hard questions, expect hard answers. You can’t make royal flush of spades with only a queen of hearts.

The Counselor