Dear Counselor,
I am working mother with a dilemma. When I go to work, I feel guilty because I am not spending enough time with my kids. I work long hours so I am usually exhausted by the time that I get home. Sometimes I have to let my mother watch them so that I can get some rest which makes me feel even worse! I love my kids more than anything in this world but I desperately need my job and some rest too. I feel like if I take any time for myself to regroup then I am a bad mother. I hate feeling like I am in a lose-lose situation all the time. Any suggestions?
Truly,
Guilt Ridden
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Dear Ridden,
I think you have struck a chord with almost every working (which includes stay at home moms) woman I know! I want to share a story with you. Right before Christmas, I scheduled to take a day off of work. I meticulously planned out several errands and other appointments … essentially a 2 page laundry list. I dropped the kids off at my mother-in-law’s house—check. Drycleaners—check. Upon arriving to the third location on my list, I realized that I had booked my appointment on the wrong day! I decided to head home for a few minutes before hitting my next appointment. I checked my email and read your message. You know what I did next? I threw away my list and took a GUILT FREE nap on my couch!

I ask every woman reading this blog… when was the last time you took a GUILT FREE nap? Guys do it all the time, however, when we take a break we feel like we must make up for lost time. We feel guilty when we work, guilty when we play, guilty when we do something nice for ourselves—guilt, guilt, guilt. When we do spend a little extra money or time on ourselves, we act as if we must justify this little luxury to everyone we know. When was the last time you heard of a guy justifying his most recent golf outing? Million to one that you will never hear, “well, honey I really needed the fresh air, exercise and time with friends… but don’t worry I will pick up the kids, make dinner, do laundry…” Get the picture? The more probable answer is, “I’m gonna go play today, is that ok?” No explanations, no justifications—just a question, that’s really a statement.

As a side bar: if you are unattached (i.e. single, no children or otherwise) relish in the free time that you have available. The best novel you will ever read is called “Your Life.” The best way to enjoy this epic novel is to savor every chapter. Don’t skim or skip chapters—you will miss the storyline. Don’t get stuck in one particular chapter either! The beauty of “Your Life” is that every chapter has its own wonderful and delicious twists and turns. Drink it up and take advantage of every blissful opportunity that comes your way.

If you were my client, I would advise you to plead “not guilty” in open court. Even the most unreasonable Judge would dismiss all charges against you in that you have done nothing wrong, that can be proven beyond a reasonable doubt! So as the Judge and Jury in this forum, I sentenced you to one GUILT FREE day of rest and relaxation.

Ridden can stay, Guilt is excused.

Take care,
The Counselor